I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
