when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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