About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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