a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
