Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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