Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
