your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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