Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
