Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
two words: eviction party
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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