I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
