Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
