Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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