Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
