That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
