spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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