I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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