I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
