____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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