Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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