You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
