Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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