you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
