i can't believe i had my finger in that
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
