1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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