There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
