I got her a Nickelback box set.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
