Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
