sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
