He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
