A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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