Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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