Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
