You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
