Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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