Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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