Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize