A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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