Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
