I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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