I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
