I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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