The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
