This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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