Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
