Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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