Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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