she told me i tasted like america
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
