I want to have your abortion
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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