Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
