I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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