ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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