Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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