I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
