he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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