if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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