I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
