I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
