just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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