Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
