You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Your cock deserves a montage
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
