He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
