so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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