Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize