"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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