I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
