I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
