Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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